Everything Changes When You Finally Choose You

There comes a moment in life when your soul gets louder than your conditioning.
In this deeply honest episode of The Charmed Life Project, Gina and Kim dive into what it really means to be true to yourself — beyond the quotes, beyond the aesthetic, beyond the version of you built for approval, performance, or survival.
We’re talking about the quiet inner knowing that says:“This life no longer fits.”
The relationships you’ve outgrown.The identities you’re grieving.The pressure to keep performing.The fear of disappointing people.The exhaustion of abandoning yourself just to stay comfortable.
This episode is a powerful conversation about alignment, intuition, manifestation, people-pleasing, boundaries, self-trust, and the courage it takes to choose yourself in real everyday moments.
Inside this episode:

✨ The difference between intuition and fear (and why they feel so similar)✨ Alignment vs. performance — how to tell when you’re living for validation instead of truth

✨ Why people-pleasing destroys self-trust

✨ The sacred grief that comes with becoming your true self

✨ How your life begins to recalibrate when you finally stop settling

✨ The manifestation shifts that happen when you stop limiting yourself

✨ Why the version of you who already has your dream life thinks differently

✨ The energetic power of boundaries, discipline, and radical self-honesty

If you’ve been feeling disconnected, overwhelmed, stuck, or like your life is asking you to evolve… this episode will feel like a deep exhale.

Because your truth isn’t something you find. It’s something you remember.

Transcript

gina 1:38

Welcome back to another episode of The Charmed Life Project. So this is all about being true to yourself. What if the life you're chasing isn't actually yours? In today's episode, we're diving into one of the most timeless truths, to thy own self be true. Not the version of you shaped by expectations, timelines, or who you think you should be, but the raw, intuitive, unapologetic you beneath it all. We're talking about what it really means to come home to yourself, the quiet and sometimes loud moments when your soul nudges you in a different direction, the discomfort of outgrowing identities, relationships, and paths that once felt so right, and the courage it takes to honor your truth, even when it doesn't make sense to anyone else. This episode is your permission slip to stop performing and start aligning, to trust your inner voice over external noise, to release the pressure to fit into life that was never designed for you. If you've been feeling disconnected, stuck, or like you've been living someone else's version of success, this conversation will bring you back to center because your truth isn't something you find, it's something you remember, and everything changes when you do. Being true to yourself sounds beautiful until it requires you to disappoint people, until it asks you to outgrow the version of your life that once felt safe, until it means admitting what you've been chasing isn't actually aligned. In this episode, we're peeling back the layers of what your truth actually is and what it isn't. Your truth is not your conditioning. It's not your coping mechanisms. It's not the identity you built to be loved, accepted, or even chosen. Your truth is the part of you that exists before all of it. We'll explore the difference between intuition and fear because they can really feel eerily similar, how to recognize you're living in alignment versus performance, why people-pleasing is often the biggest barrier to self-trust, and oh, the grief that comes with becoming your true self, and why that grief is sacred, why it actually looks like-- what it actually looks like to choose yourself in real everyday moments. This conversation goes beyond surface-level authenticity. It's about radical self-honesty. Because sometimes being true to yourself doesn't look like a big, bold life. Sometimes it looks like saying no when you're used to saying yes, admitting you've changed, letting something end without needing closure, trusting a quiet inner knowing over loud external validation. There's also a deeper layer here, one we don't talk about often enough. When you start living in alignment, your entire life recalibrates. The relationships shift. Opportunities change. Your tolerance for what isn't true drops dramatically, and that can feel destabilizing, even when it's right. So if you've been feeling like things are falling apart, this episode will help you see that maybe they're actually falling into place. This is your invitation to stop abandoning yourself for comfort, approval, or certainty, and start choosing the one relationship that defines every other.

Kim 5:37

Gina, the whole time you were talking, I was thinking about how aligned this is with your energy update from April. So I went back and listened to that this morning in preparation for this podcast because, I mean, your energy updates are amazing. Every time I listen to them, it really hits, with what's going on in my life, and I kind of use it as guidance for how to navigate what's to come that month. But I also think it's really interesting to go back after the month has finished and re-listen to see how much really hits with what actually occurred during the month, and I'm always so amazed by that. So I'm gonna get into that and it... because it definitely fits with what you're talking about now. But first, I wanna tell a story about something that happened this past month that I think can be a really great lesson when it comes to manifesting, and manifesting money in particular, which I think is always a hot topic that people wanna learn about. I was sitting at a coffee shop with a friend of mine, and she was talking about how her and her husband were getting ready to move back to his hometown, which is one of the suburbs of Louisville. And so we're talking about that town, whether she likes it or not, and she says,"Well, the schools there aren't that great, but, you know, we don't have enough money to send our kids to private school, so I don't know what we'll do." And all the different centers of my brain lit up, and I had to hold my tongue. I had to have a conversation in my head,"Don't be obnoxious. Let her talk," you know? And, um- Because immediately I could tell, this was a limiting belief for her. And look, private school, public school, doesn't matter. I'm not here to make that argument. But here's the thing. Her and her husband don't have kids yet. They're not even pregnant yet. Hold on. They don't even plan to get pregnant. Hold on. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Yes. So we have a limiting belief- Yes about something that is not even in reality. I freaking love this so much, I would've had to hold my tongue also. Yeah, something that's not in reality, not even in reality for the next five years. She, her and her husband don't even wanna get pregnant for at least another year. If, if she's gonna get pregnant in a year, they have at least five years before they even have to start thinking about schools and where they're gonna send their kids to. She's telling me that they don't make enough money in five years from now to send their kids to private school. Okay? So I let her talk for a little bit, and then I was like,"Listen, five years from now is a long time. A lot can change in five years, and it does. Look back on your life five years ago. You weren't married. You lived in a different place. You had a different job. Everything is completely different. Why are you thinking in the future? Why are you limiting yourself and talking about a future where you're limiting how much money you're going to make and the options that are available to you? You're vision casting in the wrong direction," right? Amen. So it was just- Yes, she is. Yeah, it just really stood out to me because it was like, oh my gosh, what she was saying is something I've heard people say on different topics and different formats a lot before. We do that to ourselves constantly. Where are we, selling ourselves short? And how often are we doing that without even realizing it? So it just stood out to me. I wanted to share that because I'm sure there are things that you can think in your life where you're making those same kind of comments, and how that's probably affecting your future. I think really the key when it comes to manifestation is asking yourself the question, how can I think about things differently? Where can I put the rose-colored glasses on in my life and see something differently? And always remembering that any desire you have- is your destiny. Any true desire that you have, if it's your true desire to send your kids to a great school, then you can make that work. You can figure it out. Everything is figureoutable. Really changing that mindset to one where,"I'll figure it out. When that time comes, I'll figure it out," as opposed to saying,"I can't do this and I can't do that." Absolutely. So Kim, I have a thought on this, and this is a shout-out to your friend. I went to Catholic school. I was also- Mm-hmm raised very financially modest. That's my, PC way of saying, we didn't have much money. We went to a private school where the priest allowed my mom to volunteer in replacement of our tuition. So there are so many endless possibilities with this. If it's true in your heart, just like you said, of"I really want this for my kids," that are nonexistent in this moment, but if you open up your mind to the possibilities that miracles can happen and you are always given exactly what you need when you need it, it will absolutely show up for you. Yes, absolutely. You know, you think about, like, well, you can make everything happen, but within reason, right? And it's like, no, if you wanna own a plane, how ridiculous is that? People can do that. You know, you... There's, timeshares where you can buy a seat on a plane to use it so many days a year. There's different memberships you can be a part of where you pay a monthly fee where you can, fly on a private plane. Everything is available to you, but it's about changing your mindset on it doesn't have to be in an exact perfect way. Like your example, maybe you're not paying for it out of pocket. Maybe you have some assistance. That doesn't mean it's not available to you, and that's what I think everybody just has to change. It's not up to you to figure out the how. It's up to you to realize that everything is available to you. It'll work out how it works out, but it's up to you to believe that it can work out. Don't you think that some people are actually scared to claim what they want, or they don't- Absolutely really know what they want? And it's like this fear thing of,"I want this, but I know I can't have it." And it's really a confidence issue, right? I think it really is a fear thing of being in alignment with yourself and having the confidence to be in alignment with yourself. I think that's the root issue of being true to yourself, being in alignment, expressing what you truly want, and then believing that it's available to you. Yeah, absolutely. And that's a lot about what your opening was talking about and what the April energy update was about getting into alignment and really coming to terms with what you actually want, not what you think you should want, but what you actually want deep down. And I think it's so important for people to ask themselves that question,"What do I really want?" You're right, it is A lot of people just don't even know. They just don't go there. They don't think about it. But such an important question, I know we've talked about this before, is: Who is the version of you that already has what you desire? What do they think like? What do they feel like? What do they do? How do they act? And then thinking about that gap, what is the gap between you and her or you and him? Catherine Zinkina, who's this manifestation expert, she says to actually fill in the blank with two words. So the gap between me and her is blank and blank. What are those two words? And to really think about that. For me, when I think about that, it's stress and relaxation. The gap between me and her is stress and relaxation, and I'll explain that. Because when I think about the life that I want, everything's already done. I'm creating for the fun of creating, for the pure joy of it, because I've already experienced the success that I want to experience. My life, it's flowy, it's easy, everything's figured out, everything's simplified, it's streamlined. I have all the help I need. We have all the positions filled in the business, so we're actually owners and not in the day-to-day ops. Things like grocery shopping and meals and housework, I'm not feeling constantly behind on all of these things trying to keep up because I have a system and it works and it's easy, and I can be present with my kids and play with them, during those hours, and I can be focused during work hours, and I have the time to think and be creative where I'm not, constantly switching hats, moving from one thing to the next. I'm relaxed. There's no stress. That's the version of me that I want to be. And if that's the version of me that I wanna be, then I need to be that version of me now. That's how I bring that in. I need to think and feel and act like her. And you think,"Well- I can't do that, right? Because life is stressful right now. I do wear a million hats. I am behind. I'm always behind. You know? There's always something that should've been done yesterday or something coming up that I'm not quite yet prepared for that I should be working on. But when it comes to manifesting the life that you desire, all of that, that reality stuff, doesn't matter. The gap between me and her is stress and relaxation. So if I want to close that gap, I have to find a way to feel relaxed now, in spite of it all. Then the external reality will shift. I'll then have the reason, right, to feel not stressed, to feel that relaxed version of me. Because it will shift. Everything will shift to match my frequency. Energy will move, and everything will be done. I'll then see all those reasons in front of me to feel relaxed. So all this kind of started dawning on me when I was listening to that April update because that's what I did in April. I started really looking at those things that were causing me stress so that I could get back into a really relaxed state of being. And it came after a very chaotic March, which is hilarious'cause you mentioned that as well in the April update. But you said to, recognize what you were s- where you were settling, and ask yourself what that next version of you would do right now, and then to go do it. And it was all about, not letting the fear take over, letting your intuition get louder, and, coming from a place of alignment. That really hit for me in April, and I love thinking about that because it m- caused me to change so many different things. I really did get clear and started really scaling back on so many different areas of my life. And I'm in such a more relaxed place, and I'm already starting to see the benefit of that in my external reality, which of course is what your, May energy update was about. I just think it's great that that's what your energy update was about for April, was about getting clear, getting aligned, and in May you'll start to really become that version of yourself, because that's exactly what's happened. I've scaled back on different areas. I kind of just ask myself,"What is causing me to feel so stressed? What are those top one, two, three things, and how can I make them less stressful?" And in a way that a, is aligning, not... most of them I was doing because I felt like I needed to, or I felt like it was, something that it, it was that external validation. It wasn't the, internal what feels right to me in this moment, or what no longer, fits. What can I change that once did feel right that now, doesn't any longer? I really dig what you're saying on this. And, and one of the things that came up for me when you were speaking, I love the gap between me now and the version of myself I want. I'm a slow processor, so after we record this episode, I'm gonna dig into that. But what came up is, for our listeners, when you fill in those gaps, the version, what is the word of the version between the you now and then, and the version of you that you wanna be, it's first there's awareness. That's number one. Second, there has to be boundaries. And then third, there has to be discipline. So you identified what was stressful in your life, you scaled back. Now you have to have boundaries around it, right? Or else you're gonna get pulled straight back into your default. That's always my problem. It's like round and round we go. I keep coming to the same truths and keep going right back. But- And then figuring it out again exactly, but it's like the more that we practice this, practice makes perfect, right? Those neuropathways. The more boundaries that we have up around it of,"No, I can't do that even though I know that it's going to disappoint someone. No, I can't do that," and having the discipline to choose you first. Mm-hmm. And I just did, an Instagram reel on this this morning about choosing you first, without needing closure, without needing to explain yourself, without any of those things, yeah. So on this Instagram post, it- It really rang true for relationships this month, of relationships coming into play that will pull you out of alignment. And so there's, this slight caveat of all of April's energy, we're still kind of in that energy as we fluctuate into May's, and with focusing on relationships that pull you out of alignment and being okay with choosing you first, being okay with being true to yourself. But what really interests me in this is the part of yourself that's, had this pathway, and then you're like,"Wait a minute, that... I don't want that pathway anymore." Then what do you do? Then it's like a free fall of,"Oh, holy crap, I don't know what direction I'm going in. I don't really know what I want or where I'm going." I have to tell you that this is actually the most perfect spot to be in energetically and spiritually. And I know some of our listeners are in this energy right now, so I wanna speak to it. If you are in the energy of,"I don't know where the hell I'm going," but the focus is,"I feel really good. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know who I'm becoming. I know that I'm not the person that I was," focus all your energy inward of being aligned, of feeling aligned, of choosing you and then all of the manifestations come in right after that. So that lull feeling of,"Oh my gosh, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know," is actually the perfect energy state to be in this month, to where you just sit, you're calm, you're relaxed, you're just holding things, and your only focus is keeping your mind right, keeping it positive, keeping it in alignment. Yeah. And I think, when you talked about boundaries, that starts with having the hard conversations. And that was, again, part of your April energy update, that you were gonna have these- Mm-hmm conversations that were gonna change your reality. And that is the hardest thing to do. When you're feeling like, you're gonna let somebody down, or you're feeling like you should be doing something that you don't want to do, or that, you wanna take a step back, from some kind of position, it's very difficult to have those conversations. We have those conversations in our mind a million times before we actually have them with the other person. If you would've just had it originally- It would have been so much easier on both of you every single time. There were a few things that, like when I looked at what's really stressing me out, one is dinner every night. That sounds so silly. We've had this conversation before. I hate cooking dinner every night. The idea of putting dinner on the table for my family that my entire picky family loves and wants to eat, every single night, for the rest of my life really bums me out. I hate it, so I'm looking at that and I'm like,, I've tried everything. I've tried meal kits, I've tried, prepping and doing all the things and planning and it all... I've tried leaning on Kyle more, just getting the ingredients. It all just goes to crap eventually, so just having... I had that conversation with my husband,"Look, this, I can't do this. This really, like I said, it bums me out. We've got to figure out a solution." Just having that conversation with him, he didn't have a solution, I didn't have a solution, but then a solution arrived for me, and it was just popped up out of thin air. It's like I asked for it, and here it is. I finally said it out loud. I spoke it, and here's the solution, what it was, just in case anybody wants to know, but Blue Apron now has, pre-made meals, and they are vegetarian friendly. That's always the thing. There's never enough choices with vegetarian stuff like that. But they have pre-made meals, and then 15-minute meals. They also don't make you subscribe anymore. You can just get on and order them from n- next week anytime you want. That was always a problem for us because we'd forget to change them. We'd forget to skip. We'd always waste food. So it's perfect because now we know what we're having for dinner every night. It's super simple. You just pop it in the oven, or it's a 15-minute meal, and it's great because now my daughter, Chloe, she has been loving it. 15 minutes means we can spend time with her, let her cut things, let her stir things, so she's always like,"It's time to cook dinner." Actually take our time and, enjoy it before putting it on the table. So it's, one area where I was just so stressed, and for what reason, there's a solution out there for anybody. Yeah. It's just speaking about it and finding that solution. Another thing was with our business were very much involved in the day-to-day with the business, and so having that hard conversation with my husband of,"Look, l- listen, this is your passion. It's not mine, I'm being needed for all of these things, and how can we start to document those processes, start offloading them a little bit more?" I wanna go on vacation and have to bring my computer. So how can we start that? And that was a hard conversation for me, because it's a part of my identity. It's how I contribute, right? That's how we make our money. So me saying,"I don't really wanna have such a big role in this anymore," is a hard conversation to have. But he understood, and, now we're... We've got the wheels rolling on it, and we're starting to look at how to decrease that amount of work that I'm doing. And then the other thing was the podcast, which you know, obviously. I had to really ask myself,"Do I want to be a full-time podcaster?" It's such a fun thing to do. Why am I stressed about the podcast? But I really had to look at it and say, this whole format of releasing every week, and we even... We'd already decreased it, where I only had to do three a month instead of four, but it was still stressful for me. It felt like I was constantly having to think about it, come up with, ideas about it, felt like I was always behind and getting prepared for it. And it wasn't aligning with how I like to work, which is slow. I really like to dig into topics, really examine them, and, edit what I've written and think about it, and that kind of thing. When we were releasing so much, it was just feeling, still, stressful for me. And so I had to have that conversation with you."Listen, this is... I'm still feeling so much stress. Life's chaotic. I don't know what the answer is, but, I don't want to lose what we've created. I love our podcast. I love everything about it." And it did feel really aligned to be recording every week, when we started it. But now life's just gotten crazy, and it doesn't feel aligning anymore. And just bringing that up to you, and you actually had the answer for me, which was you came back and you were like, you were obviously so understanding, as you always are. And I was so afraid to let you down or disappoint you, and you just came back like,"Okay. I fully understand. Here's some options." And one of those options was just perfect for me, which was, that you would do the energy update, and I, then we would do a podcast together. We would release two a month, no stress. So much easier, right? M- so much less to think about on a day-to-day basis. And... where we're at. Even when you feel like you're gonna disappoint them, even when it feels like, you're not showing up as your best self, doing all the things you can do, you just have to look within and be like, what do I really want right now in my life?" Not, what did I want a year ago? What do I want right now? In talking about the podcast, one, I just wanna say thank you for saying that I'm understanding. That means so much to me. You have absolutely no idea. But also, you could have, told me to go fly a kite, and I would've been like,"Absolutely. You have to follow your heart," you know? I believe that. Like, 100%, I live this life where I have to be in alignment to be a medium, period. Mm-hmm. I have to be in alignment because there is no other way. If I don't feel good in my body, not 100% of the time'cause I'm human, but majority of the time, I don't have a choice of living any other way now that I've arrived in this version of myself. I cannot go backwards. And so regardless of anybody in my life coming to me and saying, even if it's like a yoga class,"Hey, I can't make yoga today. I know that we had plans, but I'm really not feeling it right now." I'd be like,"All right, girl, you do you. That's totally fine." Always be true to yourself. There are a couple things that I wanted to talk about, about staying in alignment with yourself, and I honor all of these stories that you're bringing in. And I just have to say, I am... Like, when you were telling the story about, you and Kyle and talking about the business and you stepping away, I was over here little girl jumping up and down because I know that you've wanted to have that conversation for a while. Also, it's great for our listeners to tune in because I hear people say all the time,"I have this problem, but I can't change it," is what it comes down to. Yeah."I have this issue, but I can't do it. I wanna do this thing, but I don't have time." There is always, 100% of the time, always a solution. You just have to acknowledge it, have the awareness, put up boundaries, and then have discipline to change it. So a few things of getting into alignment, you have to realize intuition versus fear. Intuition feels calm. It feels grounded, even when it's guiding you into the unknown. Fear feels urgent. It feels noisy and rooted in worst case thinking. This next one is a huge one. It's alignment versus performance, and this is where I think Kim and I sometimes go back to our default I think I can speak for both of us on this. We were raised as far as performance goes. You get accolades by your performance. I grew up in, in a place where the more hours you worked, the more acknowledgement you got'cause you were the hardest worker. It's not like that anymore. Going into alignment versus performance- When you're in alignment, when your choices feel right before anyone else validates them. You're performing when you need approval to feel secure in them, or you're turning away from yourself and you're filling up so much of your time so that you're not with yourself,'cause you're scared- Mm-hmm of yourself. Mm-hmm. People-pleasing and self-trust, every time you choose others' approval over your own truth, you weaken your ability to trust yourself. And I'm gonna say that again. Every time you choose others' approval over your own truth, you weaken your ability to trust yourself. Then there's this thing that we don't talk about too often, and it's grief in becoming your true self. The grief you feel isn't a setback, it's the natural release of the identities and the attachments that don't come with you. So you may have taken this new road, and the people that you were with five years ago aren't on this pathway, and you might look at those people from six months ago, five years ago, and miss elements of them. But they're not meant to come with you, and there is a grief element of who you used to be. I can't tell you how many times I look back at my 20s, and I was like... I was a rock star in my 20s. I was so much fun. I went out dancing every single weekend. I was the life of the party. I stayed up late. I loved myself in my 20s, and I often miss her. I miss going out and dancing and being a free spirit and going wherever the wind takes me, and now I can't stay up past 9:30. There's elements of grief I do miss that old version of myself," but there's no way I would ever go back there, yeah. And then- It's about honoring who you are now. And it's honoring who you are now and who you've become, looking at that old version of yourself and giving her a little wink and a little nod, you know- Mm-hmm because she's still part of you. Choosing yourself daily. Choosing yourself looks like these little small consistent moments where you stop overriding your needs, even when it would be easier to Yeah. No decisions from pressure- Ugh only pleasure. That's, Andrea Crowder, she's a business coach, and she says that all the time, and I just love it. No decisions from pressure, only pleasure, and then watch how your life changes. That's something that rings true to my life. If I'm ever under pressure to make a decision, I halt it and I say,"I'm sorry, I'm not gonna make that decision," if I feel pressured to. Mm-hmm. It- Yeah, that's a good rule of thumb. Yeah. And it's like,"No, back up off me." But if you pressure me in any way, I'm like,"No, I don't need it." Mm-hmm. Nope, that doesn't feel good. And that's the same thing with energy. If you put energy and you're pressuring the energy to create something or do something, the universe is like,"Nah, B,""I'm not gonna do that. That feels funky." Mm-hmm. Like, take that into your heart. So you really have to be true to yourself. For every problem, there is a solution. Feeling in alignment is the most important thing to tune into this month, but every month, and in your whole entire life. If you get anything from this episode, to thine own self be true. Focus on your mind, focus on your body, focus on your spirit, and focus on getting in alignment within you. Everything else will fall into place. Thanks for listening to another episode of The Charm Life Project.